45 dog jokes that will have you howling | TeamDogs
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45 dog jokes that will have you howling

We’ve rounded up a collection of grrr-eat dog jokes that will have you rolling over

Caroline Abbott

Posted 2 months ago ago

This dog seems to find our jokes funny (Photo: SensorSpot/Getty Images)

by Caroline Abbott

 

Call us barking mad, but here at TeamDogs we like to have a laugh at dog-themed “dad jokes” – you know, the kind of jokes you might find in a Christmas cracker. Ones that are so bad, they’re good.

We’ve rounded up a collection of grrr-eat dog jokes that will have you rolling over!

 

Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?

A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

 

Q: What did the dog say when it sat on some sharp stones?

A: Ruff

 

Q: What do you call a dog magician?

A: A labracadabrador

 

Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school?

A: They get their masters

 

Q: What do you call a large dog that meditates?

A: Aware wolf

 

Q: What do you call dogs who dig up ancient artefacts?

A: Barkeologists

 

Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?

A: A friend you can count on

 

Q: What do you call a sad pup?

A: Melon collie

 

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?

A: It doesn’t matter, he still won’t come when you call

 

Q: What do you give a sausage dog with a fever?

A: Mustard – it’s the best thing for a hot dog

 

Q: What kind of dog chases anything red?

A: A bulldog

 

Q: Why should you be careful when it’s raining cats and dogs?

A: You might step in a poodle

 

Q: Where do dogs that want to star in films go?

A: Collie-wood

 

Q: Why did the boy take his dog to a watchmaker?

A: It had ticks

 

Q: What’s the difference between a businessman and a hot dog?

A: The businessman wears a suit but the dog just pants

 

Q: What kind of dog does Dracula have?

A: A bloodhound

 

Q: What kind of dog likes taking a bath?

A: A shampoodle

 

Q: What goes tick-tock woof-woof?

A: A watchdog

 

Q: What was the dog's favourite type of homework?

A: A lab report

 

Q: How are a dog and a marine biologist alike?

A: One wags a tail and the other tags a whale

 

Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?

A: Well you won’t be getting any mail, that’s for sure

 

Q: Why don’t blind people go skydiving more often?

A: Because it frightens the dog



(Photo: Silvia Vellozo/EyeEm/Getty Images)



 

Q: Why do dogs like conjunctions?

A: They just love buts

 

Q: What’s a dog’s favourite kind of pizza?

A: Pupperoni

 

Q: How do dog catchers get paid?

A: By the pound

 

Q: Who delivers your dog’s Christmas presents?

A: Santa Paws

 

Q: What kind of dog comes from Asgard and wields a mighty hammer?

A: A labrathor

 

Q: How do dogs train their fleas?

A: From scratch

 

Q: Why did the snowman name his dog “Frost”?

A: Because he bites

 

Q: Why aren't dogs good dancers?

A: Because they have two left feet

 

Q: What do chemists' dogs do with their bones?

A: They barium

 

Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?

A: Because you can't bury them in trees

 

Q: What do you call a black Eskimo dog?

A: A dusky husky

 

Q: What do you call a cold dog?

A: A chilli dog

 

Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly?

A: The collie wobbles

 

Q: What do you call a frozen dog?

A: A pupsicle

 

Q: What do dogs eat for breakfast?

A: Pooched eggs

 

Q: What does my dog and my phone have in common?

A: They both have collar I.D.

 

Q: What type of markets do dogs avoid?

A: Flea markets

 

Q: What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?

A: A golden receiver

 

Q: Why did the dog cross the road?

A: To get to the "barking" lot

 

Q: How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?

A: Terrier-fied

 

Q: What breed of dog tells off-colour jokes?

A: A smutt

 

Q: What do you call a snowman’s dog?

A: A slush puppy

 

Q: What do you call a dog falling from a great height?

A: A Chihuahu-arrrrgh!




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